When I was first presented with the idea of my “heart’s question” I was confounded and I didn’t think it had anything to do with my New Year’s resolution. I don’t know if I ever really even came up with one before? I knew before Paulica was born that i wanted to be more mindful. Mindfulness and intention have been things I have been working on for many years now. I believe my birth heart’s question was answered, the answer hit me square in the jaw; left me dazed and confused, but it was answered. Since his birth I think I have a significantly better understanding of compassion, empathy, AND mindfulness, but it’s a journey I want to continue into 2018.
I think that parenthood in general also could benefit from having a heart’s question. Brené Brown discusses how we cannot expect our children to be better than us; we cannot teach them to be better people than we currently are. If we want our children to grow up respectful, we must be respectful. If we want our children to grow up with grit and drive, we must have grit and drive. We must allow them to be vulnerable, we must teach them the importance of compassion and presence. We must help our children have hope and we must help our children be mindful. We do all of this by practicing it for ourselves each and every day. Brené said something that really struck me; “we live the majority of our lives after our children are born”. Wow, that is powerful; when I put it in that perspective, it really is silly that I ever thought “I can’t believe I had a baby when I don’t even have my OWN life together!” How could I? I am only 27, I still have so much more of my life to live, little one in tow.
This drastically changes the mindset I had when it comes to parenting. I no longer think of it as Holly parenting Paulica. Now I think of life as this beautiful journey that he, Paul, and I will be on together. Together we will all parent, together we will all grow. This is me leading/guiding my son; this is Paul and I becoming our best selves through our son. We are becoming our best selves to help Paulica become his best self.
My heart’s question for parenthood is “How am I opening in this moment”. I know that Paulica is going to push my comfort zone boundaries (he already has), and just like in labor, I need to open to these new experiences; it is in resistance that things fall apart.
What is your heart’s question?
Paul’s note: If you REALLY want some insight into your partner’s thought process (and a great deal into your own as well!), I HIGHLY recommend you give Brené Brown a chance! You can sign up for Audible and get 2 free audio books with the link below, so give her a listen!